my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
