Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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