dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
