I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
