and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
