just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
