It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
