i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
