"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
