garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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