New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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