It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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