dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize