You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
