its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
