Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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