Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
