My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
