im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
