You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
