NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
