Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize