if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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