Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
