Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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