You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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