how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
