I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
