Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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