Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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