Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
