I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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