can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
