Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
