If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
