I wanna passion pit in your ass
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
