is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
