Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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