so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
