if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
