Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
