god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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