I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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