two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
