You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
