all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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