I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize