All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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