As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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