M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
