I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
