were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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