Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
