I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
