noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
