last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize