It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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