Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
