shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
pop tarts are not kleenex
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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