I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
