i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
