Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
