Life is so much better after having sex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
