we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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