I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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