Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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