:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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