I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
