he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
