so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
