I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
