Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
