I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
