nut hugger
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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