On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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