i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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