There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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