I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just had sex on a roof
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
