Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
