1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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