his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
