So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
