I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
