I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
