I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
