you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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