Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
