Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
