she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
