is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
