Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
