If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
