this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
