Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
