Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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