Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
