I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
