a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
