its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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