i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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